The Fountain of Fair Fortune: A Play
by tripping over isolines.x
Summary: Hogwarts' first and last theater production. Based on The Fountain of Fair Fortune by JKR...full summary inside. Slight JxL, a little humor piece...


Disclaimer/Summary:

THE FOUNTAIN OF FAIR FORTUNE

For all of you who've read J.K. Rowling's Tales of Beetle the Bard, then you'd be very aware that The Fountain of Fair Fortune was a children's tale that was reenacted as Hogwarts first (and last) school play.

To summarize for you sad, sad people who haven't read the Tales: In this story, three witches, each with their own problem (sick, poor, heartbroken), and one knight (luckless) journey to find the elusive Fountain of Fair Fortune where one will bathe in its waters and be lucky forever. In the story, the four reach the fountain, and solve their problems in different ways. Asha (sick), is cured by magical herbs and plants, Altheda becomes rich by selling the magical herbs and plants, and the Knight and Amata (love) marry.

Hogwarts' play didn't go so well; the four actors never reached the fountain, and there was a considerable amount of chaos. Now, put down in words by yours truly (no, not JK Rowling, I'm just a fan), here's the actual play, trouble included. During the era of the original Marauders, we present...The Fountain of Fair Fortune!

--

CAST:

Asha- Eva Kimble

Altheda- Alice Prewett

Amata- Jane McCleef

Sir Luckless- Sirius Black

CREW:

Special effects- Lily Evans, James Potter, Professor Dumbledore

Props- Marlene McKinnon, Remus Lupin, Peter Pettigrew

The "worm"- Professor Kettleburn

Director/Writer- Professor Beery

Co-director- Lily Evans

--

BACKSTAGE: Before

"You dirty, rotten, son of a -!"

"No need to curse, love," Sirius said suavely, dressed up in his knight costume. He was holding a very giddy looking Asha (Eva) in his arms. Mussed hair and messy makeup told Amata (Jane) exactly what they were doing just a second ago.

"That's _it! _We're done, you cheating, filthy bastard!" Jane screamed at the top of her lungs.

Sirius shrugged, Eva smirked, and the aforementioned went back to their snogging session.

"Places, people! Aren't you all aware that the curtain goes up in _five minutes_?!" Lily called out, extremely harassed looking.

"Come now, Lilyflower, loosen up!" James appeared next to Lily and threw an arm carelessly around her.

"You, get off me. Sirius! Eva! Quit the public displays of affection and GET IN YOUR PLACES!"

"STUDENTS! STUDENTS!" Over all the chaos, the Herbology professor, Herbert Beery, called out to the cast and crew in his magically magnified voice.

"Now, just a few words of support- we've worked on this for over two months, and we can't ruin anything! This Hogwarts' first theatre performance, and in order to continue the Dramatics club, everything will have to be _perfect_. Have fun and break a leg!" Professor Beery disappeared between the curtains.

There was an awkward moment of pure silence backstage while Professor Beery said his introduction to the crowd of students outside.

"...break a leg?" James asked, confused, his arm still slung around Lily's shoulders.

"It's a muggle phrase. It says 'good luck,' since saying good luck is bad luck when it comes to theatrics," she explained, trying to escape from his hold.

"Twisted reverse psychology," James commented, holding Lily tighter than ever.

The curtain opened.

--

ACTION! The disastrous event itself (from the audience's view)

"High on a hill in an enchanted garden, protected by strong magic and hideous beasts, flowed the Fountain of Fair Fortune," a smooth voice read aloud to the crowd. "Once a year, a single unfortunate soul was given a chance to fight past its barriers and bathe in the magical waters of the Fountain, then receiving fair fortune forever.

"On that day, hundred of people traveled from afar to reach the garden walls. Male and female, rich and poor, young and old, of magical gifts and not, they gathered, each hoping that they would gain entrance to the lucky garden."

At the end of this phrase, the curtains opened to reveal a haphazardly set about cast. The Knight and Asha were kissing passionately and Lily Evans, co-director and special effects assistant, was just about to slap James Potter, her special effects co-worker. She blushed furiously and dragged James offstage. The knight finished his furious snogging session with Asha and went off to join an extremely angry Amata and a disturbed Altheda.

Professor Beery shook his head in despair.

The villagers bustled against the "vines" of the garden wall, getting tangled every now and then, shouting in their attempt to get past. The voice came overhead once more and three spotlights appeared on stage, highlighting Asha, Amata, and Altheda, the three witches.

"Three witches, each burdened by her own sorrows, met and told each other their tales of woe as they waited for the sunrise.

"The first witch by the name of Asha was sick of a dreadful malady the no Healer could cure. She hoped that the fountain would get rid of her sickness.

"The second, by the name of Altheda, was robbed of her home, gold, and wand, left powerless and poor. She hoped the fountain would relieve her of her poverty.

"The third, by the name of Amata, had been left by her lover, thus had a broken heart. She hoped the fountain would take away her grief.

"The three witches agreed that they would unite and reach the fountain together. When the first ray of sun shot through the clouds, a chink in the wall opened. The crowd surged forward, each of them shrieking their claim for the fountain. The vines twisted themselves around the villagers, holding them back. The three witches escaped from the vines, but brought a straggler along with them."

The villagers were pulled back by thick green vines while Asha, Altheda, Amata and a Knight in rusted armor struggled against them. A spotlight appeared on the knight in question.

"The knight was known as Sir Luckless. He was not magic. In fact, he had no great skill at anything at all."

At this, Sir Luckless interrupted with an adlib: "What about exceptional good looks?"

Professor Beery groaned while the crowd tittered. Even the overhead voice sighed.

"The three witches were angry at the knight," the voice continued, ignoring Sirius' comment.

"Only one can bathe in the fountain!" said an irate Altheda.

"It will be hard enough to decide which of us it will be, without adding another!" agreed Asha, who looked a little punch-drunk.

"Fair maidens, I will leave if you so wish," Sir Luckless said, bowing with a loud clank of his armor.

"You have a faint heart!" Amata chided. Then she went of on an obviously unplanned rant.

"Along with _faint_, it's _cruel and icy and uncaring_! It's a CHEATING heart, that doesn't care about the heart it breaks!" Tears ran down the actress's eyes and the crowd watched uneasily.

At this point, Asha shouted back, "It's not HIS fault that you're so unattractive, you shallow, superficial slag!"

"Why you-!" Amata drew her wand and Asha followed suit. The two began to duel fiercely.

"Umm...guys..." Altheda said nervously. The audience was watching on with obvious amusement while the teachers were looking at the scene with horror.

At that point, a loud _BANG! _was heard from backstage. Lily and James appeared onstage. Lily was screaming and James desperately tried to block her from a gigantic Ashwinder that was beginning to go crazy. Professor Kettleburn rushed on stage too, trying to assure everyone "just be calm! Just be calm! Just be-"

There was an enormous sizzle as the Ashwinder exploded. The entire set went up in flames and the cast and crew ran from the stage, desperately trying to escape. Cries of _Auguamenti!_ were heard as people desperately tried to put out the fire. Sirius was trying to drag Eva away from Jane but was promptly hexed. There was a bright flash and then he was bald.

"Ew!" Eva said, backing away from the bald Sirius. "Jane can have you- I'm not interested in bald men."

"_ENOUGH!"_ Dumbledore roared over the mass chaos. The flames went out and the frenzy stopped. "Prefects, please lead your students back to their houses. The teachers will carry on from here."

The crowd slowly left the scene and Professor Beery shook his head, sobbing uncontrollably.

"Well, I always knew it was going to be a disaster," Dumbledore said to himself, chuckling at the mess.

--

BACKSTAGE: During the disaster

"Nice save. You nearly slapped me in front of everybody at Hogwarts."

"We wouldn't have that problem if you stopped harassing me!" Lily replied.

"Oh, you love me anyway."

There was a silence, in which Lily froze and a wide, joyous grin appeared on James' face.

"You _do_ love me!" he exclaimed.

At that point, the "worm", or Professor Kettleburn's giant Ashwinder, began to spark.

"EXPLODING ASHWINDER!" Lily screamed.

James and Lily ran from the gigantic beast and came into the midst of a duel. The actors on stage immediately stopped what they were doing and observed the Ashwinder with reservation.

KABOOM!

And it exploded.

--

AFTERWARDS AT THE GRYFFINDOR COMMON ROOM: Reminiscing

"Look at them- they're so completely lost in each other. Why'd James have to go all hero on her? I liked both of them better when they were fighting," Sirius said, looking at James and Lily who were occupied with their lovey-dovey activities.

"Ah, at least she's past the stage of denial. I think they look great together," Remus said, while Peter nodded. "The play was disastrous, but I guess it had some good side effects."

"Well, that's the last time we ever have a play at Hogwarts," Alice said, shaking her head. She was still dressed in her Altheda costume.

"Hey, everything's right with the world. I got my hair back," Sirius replied.

"I liked you better bald," Marlene said.

"Oh, shut it."

--

And that, my dears, is why Hogwarts never participates in theatrics.

I know this was trash, but it was fun to write. And it's a good enough idea.

REVIEW! That silly little button is _right there!_ Type a few words, submit, and voila! You have pleased the humble author. :)

-.x.


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